Secondhand Nation

Another "Eco-Find." Sigh.

Dammit, SheFinds, why do you torment me so?  Could it be that you pop up so readily on my BlogLines feeder, eagerly serving up throw-away posts like every other corporate blog channel trying to get us to wring out our wallets online?

Their latest Eco-Find, some travel candles that are made with soy wax and essential oils, have me mystified again.

Great.  Soy wax = great.    And essential oils?  Basically bulletproof - what kinda commie pinko's gonna argue with pure, uncompromised plant and flower essences?

And though the lovely people at Er'Go Candles "operate in a loving and peaceful environment" in the hopes that they will "transfer this love and peace through our products" thus "helping to raise the vibration upon this earth" - seriously, I'm not making this up - it's just another example of buying more shit you don't need.

So you travel?  And you like candles and essential oils?  Just put your fave oil and a votive in your suitcase.  When you get to your hotel, stick the votive in the ashtray, anoint yourself with the goddamned oil, and wallah.  It's not like a tinned candle looks any better than this, anyway. 

Same feelings, same effects, no bullshit packaging or additional purchasing.   Explain to me again why I'm not in charge of everything?

Oh, that getting off my ass thing?  Yeah, that.  No, you're right.  I remember now.    

Make Your Own: Hydrating Mist for Your Hair

Figure 1:  Not at all what I remotely look like, especially after the past three days of rain. 

If you're still using a wall-mounted telephone with a cord and have a computer as big as a washing machine, you might not be familiar with top-blog She Finds, which is a breathless, shopping-crazed consumer-driven blog that helps females (and fashion-minded males) by high-lighting must-have products and trends on the web. 

Finally! you might be thinking, as you step into your stone underwear.  I can't be expected to do all that shit myself!

But if you're like me and strive to reduce all the packaging waste you can, you'll see that their latest "Eco-Find" is just more bullshit - should you have the non-oily genetics or live somewhere that requires you to hydrate your hair, it's possible to MAKE YOUR OWN hair-hydrating spray that will cost much less than $16.

To wit: 

Step One:  Boil up a gallon of water.  Or buy a gallon of distilled water.  Or use the water you filter into a pitcher.  Whatever.

Step Two:  Add like 10 drops of lavender essential oil to the water. 

Step Three:  Put mixture into a clean spray bottle.    The End.

Jesus.  Life doesn't have to be this hard.  Further, I don't know why anyone would want to hydrate their hair.  I personally own a mane that foofs up to the size of a hot air balloon with the slightest change in the dewpoint.  If I hydrated it, I'd look like fucken Yahoo Serious and wouldn't be able to get through my front door. 

Image via Wikipedia.

Dislikes

Wal-Mart and Cost-Co

flavored coffee beans

going to weddings

coupons

Avon

white bread

brown drip pottery

men that are anti-abortion

microwave cookbooks

VHS tapes

3-ring binders

heavy draperies that features tiebacks and curtain rod "scarves"

overhead lighting

PartyLite candles

angels

tiny dogs that people carry around like purses

air fresheners

fake flowers and fake Spanish moss (AKA "granny pussy")

lemonade stands at yard sales when there are too many bees out

grody 80's blazers for sale at garage sales in 95 degree weather

people who constantly have a garage sale going on in their garage (my grandmother was one of these people and she counted empty egg cartons and the containers from L'eggs pantyhose among her merchandise buffet)

Beanie Babies

wallpaper borders

black enamel tables with gold edging

glass-topped tables

overstuffed couches, with special emphasis on saggy elephant leather-look couches

Ladies' Home Journal

crystal

stained tupperware

No Juice Was Harmed In the Making of This Blog

From the Minneapolis Star Tribune's North metro police report, June 20, 2007:

JUNE 3:  Attempted Theft 

Two men were caught trying to steal boxes of expired juice from a Dumpster outside a business in the 2800 block of S. Anthony Lane.  They were cited for trespassing.  The juice was returned to the Dumpster.   

Oh, good.  So there was a happy ending, after all!  I was worried that the juice might have been abducted and snared into a prostitution scam. 

Three things:

1)  I love the capitalization of "Dumpster" in this instance - the personification really punches up the drama.

2)  I wonder if the trespassers saw the juice get tucked back into its Dumpster-Mommy and tried to go for it again?  In order to avoid such precious items being stolen, perhaps the Dumpster might consider getting an alarm system or at least a dog?  I suppose we'll never know. 

3) I sure feel safer now, knowing those juice-stealing trespassers received citations.   That'll show them!  How dare they try to climb in a Dumpster and...steal juice!  Honestly, what's the world coming to these days?   I don't know, man.  It's sad.  People have turned into these trespassing, juice-entitled assholes.  Whatta world, huh?